Past results are an accurate predictor of future results is a truth that took me nearly fifty years to learn was universal. I failed to use this predictor of outcomes on those closest to me foolishly thinking family and close friends would reciprocate my treatment of them. Carey came in my life and remained silent for almost two years regarding my family’s treatment of me, but during those months of silence I received love and respect from Carey and her children I had never known with the exception of my father.
A fresh perspective was born. To my delight I realized I was a contributing family member and not a burden that must be dealt with like a pet during vacation. I was guilty as my family, because I allowed myself to be treated this way. I knew in my gut for over two decades I was not being treated like a fully cognitive human being, but how could I be right and so many be wrong?
Time and distance reinvigorated my strength. Stepping back allowed me to see the proverbial forest for the trees. I became enraged for wasting so much precious time. I did not care about holding individuals accountable, but I would put an end to the poor treatment.
Being a good husband I watch many of Carey’s viewing pleasures with her thus I have been Oprahrized. One particular episode caught my attention. Oprah was interviewing TV evangelist T.D. Jakes about forgiveness. One part of the conversation he interjected that it is difficult to forgive when someone keeps stomping on your toe. The preacher continued saying you don’t hope they stop rather you move your foot.
There was an epiphany listening to his words, more like someone wacked me across the forehead with a 2×4.I was particularly guilty of hoping with my biological children things would improve while being held hostage to a extraordinarily dysfunctional relationship just to maintain contact.
I put everyone on notice how I would be treated and began to shuffle my feet. Of course this went down like bad medicine, but the hurts and disappointments ceased. One unfortunate result was where my family blamed me all these years for everything Carey has become the whipping post.
I share this dirty laundry to encourage others to trust your gut and move your feet. You poor women that are emotionally and physically abused it will not stop until you decide to end it regardless of the countless broken promises. To my friends in the disability community nothing about our impairments deserves to be treated with less respect than anyone else. Time is much too precious!
Wanna dance? Have a great day! dj