Spring has sprung here. The drab of winter has been replaced with budding growth and new beginnings. The Dogwoods were a dud around the place this year, but the wild flowers in our field and woods didn’t disappoint. It will soon be time for cookouts, dinners on the porch, sing-a-longs around the fire pit and a new addition this spring and summer, movies with friends in the barn shown on a ten foot screen. The excitement builds then gets stopped dead in its tracks when I see my beautiful wife in unrelenting pain. The unknowing is the worst. We feel stuck in limbo not being able to embrace a plan of attack and move forward until Carey is seen at Mayo.
The frustration was over the top when getting bounced from doctor to doctor and not taking Carey seriously. Personally it kills me I cannot be on the phone making calls and that my physical needs are an obstacle to Carey’s recovery. Before finding physicians that did not want to dismiss my wife and send her home with pain medication Carey was on the verge of giving up and giving into whatever is destroying her body. I could not allow that until exhausting every possibility so I said to my bride get angry and make it happen! She rattled some folks refusing any response that did not work to fulfill her goal. I am so proud of you Carey! We are just waiting on the date for Mayo so we can get living again.
Many of us are not living in the present, because we are anchored in the past by events that create emotional baggage weighing us down. I am definitely guilty. It was not the ALS I had difficultly with, I was eager to experience more life any way I could, it was how my family particularly my biological children treated me. Before experiencing unconditional love from Carey and her children my perspective was damaged. As much as it assaults my ego I was exactly like a battered woman in an abusive relationship. I was certain if I just hung in there I would finally figure out the magic combination and have the relationship I always desired. When Carey and her children moved in my house looked like a shrine to my biological children, but it was not a photographic progression rather it was stagnated in the past when the dysfunctional bond felt closest. I was firmly anchored in the past not moving forward with my life.
In the early 90’s Garth Brooks released a song entitled Rodeo. The song is about a bull riding cowboy. There is a line in the chorus “It’s spurs and latigo” referring to the cowboy in the shoot sitting on a ton of explosive potential when he spurs the bull and tells another cowboy to let go of the gate. If you will, the bull rider’s life is on hold and the gate is his anchor from the ride of his life.Rodeo
I got a clear perspective by experiencing unconditional love and I let go of the past. My gate has swung open and enormous opportunities for living released. If you’re anchored and not moving forward with life get angry about your situation and make change happen. Whatever it takes, get help and latigo! Please keep Carey in your thoughts and prayers as we move forward. Also, please help us spread the word about davidjayne.net. Have a great day! dj